I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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