if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
