you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
