ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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