You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
