somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
