Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
