if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize