3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
