I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize