hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
