it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize