the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
