I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
