i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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