Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
