I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
