You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think people are normalizing furries
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
