got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize