Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
