the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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