I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
