she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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