We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
