that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
