I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
