I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
