yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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