my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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