this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
