I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need a burrito and a hug.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
MIDGETS
????
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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