I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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