Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
