I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize