I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
