He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize