Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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