I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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