You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize