bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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