my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
