Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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