You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
