After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
