I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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