I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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