In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize