what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
