I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
