the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
