First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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