Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
