Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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