Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
