Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
