So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I love you.
Bad choice
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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