I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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