I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
