i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
