How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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