i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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