Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i want to swaddle you in tequila
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
