so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
