well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
