Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
