Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
