I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
