oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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