I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
