is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
