My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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