I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
