Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
