Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
