my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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