So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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