Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
