So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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