Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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