Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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