omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
my poor anus
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
