where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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