So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
