i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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