I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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